very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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