Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
