I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
