Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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