I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
