Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
