1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I won the penis lottery.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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