is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
