Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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