Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
