I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
