sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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