she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
