I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
