TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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