I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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