The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
