was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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