I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
