Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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