Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
