ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
