Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
