I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
