I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
