people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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