Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
