Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
