My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
