he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
