he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
