i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
