Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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