Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
