Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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