I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
