You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
