I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
