Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so let's talk penis.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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