yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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