a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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