I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
