Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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