How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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