walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
