toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
