i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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