two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
bring money and cleavage
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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