Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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