Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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