I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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